The College Advice People Don’t Offer Enough

Lessons from a life in academia

College students wearing caps and gowns, during a graduation ceremony in 1991.
(Clarence Gatson / Gado / Getty)

I write this as I prepare to take my oldest son back to campus for his sophomore year of college. My youngest son is beginning his junior year of high school, and I’m getting ready for the classes I’m teaching at Princeton this fall. For most of my life, I’ve looked forward to the beginning of the academic year with excitement. But in recent years, I’ve been a bit anxious in September. I blame it on the pandemic and its effects; I worry about all of us, especially when we separate from loved ones.

As a professor, I’m frequently asked to dispense advice to new and returning college students. Despite my own frazzled state, I find myself eager to offer it. Admittedly, this guidance is primarily geared toward the students I teach: people who are having a full-time college experience. But I believe some of it is also useful for part-time and nontraditional students for whom college is generally more taxing yet still personally transformative. This advice might even be useful to those of us whose school days are far behind us, for whom September offers an annual invitation to build new habits.

1. Take care of yourself. And by taking care of yourself, I mean: Get adequate sleep, eat your vegetables, and drink water. Tend to both your emotional and your physical health; this includes your sexual health. If you need help or have questions or concerns, seek guidance and care until you find it, whether from peer counselors, student-health services, faculty, affinity groups, or other community resources.

College is a place where you are both being educated and growing up. The growing-up part is far more significant and substantial. Many of the adults around you forget that, but you shouldn’t.

Despite the pressures of productivity and professionalism that exist throughout our lives, the truth is that we are flesh and blood—complex beings who love, laugh, hurt, and persevere. Growing up requires us to understand ourselves fully, far beyond how we perform in school and our occupations.

2. Balance fun and responsibility. There’s nothing like seeing your friends every day, and for many (though not all) young adults, college is the time when you get to experience that delight to the fullest. Revel in it. But also make deliberate steps every day to fulfill your responsibilities.

When I went off to college, my grandmother told me to study for two hours before I went to any social event, and that habit served me well (I developed a reputation for showing up at parties with my backpack still on). It was a simple piece of advice that fit neatly into my life because I carved time out of each day to follow it. It didn’t require elaborate scheduling (not my strong suit), but instead allowed me to create a ritual of daily work that I sustain to this day.

3. Fall in love. With a person, with a subject, with a class, with a hobby. Let passion sweep you off your feet and allow you to experience both vulnerability and joy. But, fall in love with yourself first, and with who you are right now—not who you want to become or who you are when you hit your best angles, but the whole complicated being you are at this moment. It makes all other love much better, and it makes growing into your adult self a much healthier effort.

4. Talk to your professors. Even the intimidating ones. They’re just people. You can learn a good deal from interacting with most of them beyond just attending class. (Oh, also, go to class!)

5. Talk to the nonacademic staff. Office and custodial workers are too often treated like furniture on campuses. Don’t replicate the bad behavior of many professors and administrators by ignoring them. They also usually have a great deal to teach you about your institution and about growing up.

6. Allow the unexpected to enter your life. One of the best parts of being in college is encountering things you know nothing about. Attend a lecture on a topic you’ve never heard of. Go to a concert featuring a music genre you’ve never listened to. Drop in on a student club that sounds interesting, yet unfamiliar.

Higher education is one of the few arenas in life that’s set up for trying new things with little extra effort. Take advantage of that. One of the things I think we—both educators and adults, in general—fail to do for young people is give them an adequate sense of the full range of possible careers, jobs, and avocations they might pursue in adulthood. Young people are therefore called to be seekers and explorers, trying on different potential life courses with daily explorations.

7. Call, text, or WhatsApp message the people who cared for you as you were growing up. Check in with family, guardians, and mentors. Ask them how they are feeling. Ask what’s new in their lives. Part of growing up is learning how to tend to your loved ones. Even if it appears that they’re staying the same while you’re expanding and growing, remember they’re changing too. The bond of connection is maintained through mutual care and regular attention.

8. Remember that mistakes are inevitable. Most can be repaired. Your chance to fix any mess you make is greatest when you confront it honestly and with integrity. Don’t run from your very human imperfection; use it as an opportunity to cultivate your character.

Have a great year!

Imani Perry is a contributing writer at The Atlantic and the author of its newsletter Unsettled Territory. Perry is also the Hughes-Rogers Professor of African American Studies at Princeton University, and her most recent book is South to America: A Journey Below the Mason-Dixon to Understand the Soul of a Nation.