‘Harley Quinn’ Is the Best Show You Refuse to Watch

Behind the violence and crassness is an unexpectedly heartfelt series.

Before we talk about this week’s topic, a quick reminder: Humans Being was mostly free since it started last November, but from now on, most editions will be exclusive to subscribers of The Atlantic. Most of you are already Atlantic subscribers and can skip ahead to the fun stuff. But if you’re not already a subscriber, I hope you choose to become one. You’ll get the magazine and all of your favorite subscriber-only newsletters—a great deal that I think you’ll find is worth it. Just make sure you use this link when you subscribe so that they know you came from me. I have to carry my weight around here—I can’t let all these other great writers embarrass me.

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In 2018, I was recovering from a breakup. It had been the kind of relationship that was rife with cycles of fighting, short-lived reconciliations, and then more fighting. The relationship didn’t bring out our best, but the longer we stayed together the more committed I was to making it work.

To outside observers, the relationship was clearly unhealthy. Friends were stuck between wanting to say something and not wanting to overstep. They spoke about my partner with the minimum obligatory respect, using hints and coded phrases to subtly express their concern or disdain, the way you talk about an in-law or coworker you secretly dislike. I chose not to notice.

After we broke up, the people who loved me were sympathetic but relieved, while I spent much of that fall in bed binging seasons of This Is Us and listening to that song from A Star Is Born, “I’ll Never Love Again.” Intellectually, I understood that the breakup was for the best; emotionally, though, I felt that I was unlovable and that I had missed my chance at happiness.

One of my best friends is currently going through a post-breakup depression that reminded me of my own.

“I can’t go more than 15 minutes at a time without thinking about her,” he told me.

“Yeah, it took me a while to go from thinking about my ex all the time to having regular thought patterns that weren't all about romanticizing a lost relationship,” I said.

“I’m definitely deep in that zone right now: Everything is my fault; I lost something great … I’m such a piece of shit; I should have appreciated what I had.”

“I was the same way, always thinking about the good things, romanticizing it, and forgetting all the horrible problems and how shitty I felt,” I told him. “It takes a bunch of time before you start feeling normal again, and then some more time before you start actually feeling good about it.”

Talking with my friend aside, another reminder of what it felt like coming out of fall 2018 is an animated TV series. Harley Quinn on HBO Max is unexpectedly one of the most heartfelt depictions of rediscovering yourself after a breakup. And it’s a shame, because I know that most readers won’t watch it.

HBO Max

To be fair, a show like Harley Quinn has a high barrier to entry. Not only is it a cartoon, but it’s also a comedy filled with violence, swearing, and crass humor. It’s also a DC series based on legacy characters like Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman, making the show easy to dismiss by anyone who doesn’t consider themselves a comic-book reader or cartoon watcher. When Harley Quinn first premiered, even I  wondered who the intended audience was, and later debated whether to write about it at all. (What good is making a recommendation that I don’t expect anyone to follow?) But when I started Humans Being, I chose to base it on my belief that “highbrow” and “lowbrow” are myths, and so here I am writing about a series where Harley says, “Joker never loved me; he only loves Batman,” and a talking plant replies, “Boo-fucking-hoo. Come talk to me after a Saint Bernard shits on your face.”

I wouldn’t blame you for ruling it out. I’m just here to tell you that you’d be missing out on something great and surprisingly thoughtful.

The show follows the titular character, Harley, ending her relationship with Joker. On the surface, the story follows her quest to become a more serious villain by joining the Legion of Doom. Under the surface, though, it’s a story about the paths we often take after a toxic relationship ends to rediscover ourselves and decide who we want to be. In Season 1, Harley wants to win the breakup by being a better villain than her ex. In Season 2, she tries to move on to a new relationship, gets rejected, and wants to go back to her ex, believing that he might have changed. In Harley Quinn’s third season, which started this week, Harley is finally in a healthy place and on a journey of self-discovery. In one scene, she’s transported to a memory and meets the version of herself that had been with Joker, and it shows just how far she’s come.

“Do you really like that?” present-day Harley asks her former self about the things that Joker makes her do.

“Mister J likes it. Whatever he likes, I like,” past Harley says. “Who do you think you are?”

“Not you, not anymore. Someday, you’ll get with the love of your life and you’ll see how foolish you’ve been all those years.”

Watching Harley’s breakup and growth, I felt how my friends must have felt when they watched me after fall 2018, and what I’m feeling now as my friend goes through his own breakup: sympathy, sure, but also a sense of hope for better things to come. It takes a lot of time before Harley starts feeling okay after her breakup with Joker, and even longer before she grows enough to feel good about it. I’m just glad we get to watch the journey she takes on her way there. Those of us who choose to watch, anyway.

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Thanks to everyone who responded to my last Humans Being, about The Rehearsal and manipulation. My favorite response came from Kathleen, partly because the email preview read, “Your writing absolutely sucks …” and I had prepared for the worst. She wrote:

“Your writing absolutely sucks me in. While not a fan of television, I find myself thinking, ‘I may have to check this out.’ But as to manipulation, I can't stand the whole silky pseudo-Christian politeness down here (Alabama, by way of the Midwest). I genuinely thought people here were nice but they're some serious low-down fuckers. For instance, I didn't know that ‘bless your heart’ is actually code for ‘you're too stupid to live’ … You got me going, lol. One thing I'm going to do is buy your book, just not from those evil fucks at Amazon. I'm glad to have found you and your writing. ‘Have a blessed day.’ ;)”

You’re the best, Kathleen—that whole thing made me laugh.

The book Kathleen is referring to is Piccolo Is Black: A Memoir of Race, Religion, and Pop Culture, and if you enjoy Humans Being, I hope you read the book and let me know what you think. (And a sincere thank you to those who already have—I love reading your emails.) Whether you shop at those evil fucks at Amazon is up to you.